I celebrated my birthday recently at EPCOT. I have been visiting the park since the opening in 1982 and I never tire of the beautiful gardens, the pretty country-themed pavilions, and people watching. The latter is sometimes not such a pretty pursuit, but nonetheless, it is interesting.
During this last visit, I was taking it slow because of an injury due to overzealous gardening. As a result of my challenge, I have become more attuned to the miracle that is the human body.
It can be fragile and prone to injury, yes, but as a whole it is incredibly resilient and efficient. On this particular day, I marveled as I watched people pass by, all shapes and sizes walking from country to country. Always moving forward.
Have you noticed how challenging it is to walk backward for any significant length of time? And how easy it is for your mind to wander, if not run, backward into the past?
In terms of the past, we love the good bits, the bad bits, the bits that support our egos and the bits that support our stories about ourselves and others. You may feel invigorated after a brisk, forward-moving walk. But how to do you feel after swimming around in the murky, sometimes distorted, waters of your past?
I don’t know about you, but I often feel depleted. When my energy is spent rummaging through the articles of the past, it is not ready for use in the present.
If I am running through past conversations and actions, replaying them, and dwelling on the “could have” “should have” moments, I have robbed the present of the brain power and energy I could be using to make this moment, a better and more productive moment.
This is not to say, I shouldn’t look to the past to find my missteps and look to them to teach me. I just don’t want to continually dwell there. I want to get in, get what I need to grow, get out, and move forward.
As a divorce attorney, I am keenly aware of how a person’s past can affect the divorce process. There is so much hurt, so much resentment, so much “past” with which the divorcing spouse is dealing. It is easy to get stuck in those emotions and dusty thoughts from “what has been.”
Certainly, in all dissolutions, we do have to look back into the past to ascertain certain things. However, this backward-looking type scenario goes into overdrive when a divorce is litigated. It becomes like the back and forth volley in a tennis match: He said. She said. He did. She did. Said. Did. Said Did. Said. Did. Ad nauseum.
Collaborative Divorce – A Great Option
Are you looking for a better way? Are you looking for a way in which to divorce your spouse and still look forward to how life is going to be as opposed to how life was? Please know there IS a way. It is called collaborative divorce.
Collaborative divorce is a non-litigated settlement process in which the spouses, lawyers, a neutral mental health professional, and a neutral financial professional work together to reach an interest-based settlement.
The lawyers advocate for their clients, but do so in a constructive, civilized manner. Everyone involved in the process must abide by a contract which outlines behavior and communication.
Latest posts by AJ Grossman III, J.D., LL.M. (see all)
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- Get Beyond Your Past With Collaborative Divorce - January 4, 2017